01. Hot Gossip
02. Burn It Off
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SONG CREDITS: |
01. Hot Gossip
Writers: Blues Explosion/Carlton Ridenour
Published by Dirty Shirt (BMI)/Terrordome Music Publishing, LLC and administered
by Reach Global, Inc.
Produced: Steve Jordan
Recorded: Don Smith at Globe
(Assistant: Miles Levit)
Engineered: Don Smith
Mixed: Russell Elevado at Electric Lady
(Assistants: Steef Van De Gevel & Ben Kane)
Remixed: Chris Shaw at Stratosphere
(Assistant: Rudyard Lee Cullers)
Pro Tools Engineering: Danny Madorsky
Fender Rhodes/Clav: Steve Jordan
Vocals: Chuck D
Guitars: Judah Bauer
Drums: Russell Simins
Vocals/Guitar/Piano/Theremin: Jon Spencer
Video Produced: Lynda Kass
Directed: David Reculglia
02. Burn It Off
Writers: Blues
Explosion
Published by Dirty Shirt (BMI)
Produced: Steve Jordan
Recorded/Mixed: Don Smith at Globe
(Assistant: Miles Levit)
Pro Tools Engineering: Danny Madorsky
Claps/Stomps/Vocals: Steve Jordan
Guitar/Vocals: Judah Bauer
Drums/Vocals: Russell Simins
Vocals/Guitar/Tack Piano/Claps/Stomps: Jon Spencer
Video Produced: Joakim Krommer
Directed: Stylewar |
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SLEEVE NOTES: |
TEXT FROM MOCK-UP PAPER:
"All the Blues That's Fit to Print"
The Daily Explosion
Late Edition
New York: Today, Blues Explosion. Tonight, Blues Explosion. Tomorrow, Blues Explosion.
Yesterday, Blues Explosion. Next Week, Blues Explosion.
Vol. UP!.....No. 001 Copyright(c)2004 Blues Explosion
New York, NOVEMBER BX, 2004 ONE DOLLAR
Hot Gossip Destroys U.N.
Kofi Annan's Head Explodes in tense stand off with rock band
Blues Explosion Video Delivers Shock and Awe
by R.W. Fatbody, JR
New York - In what can only be described as a tough day for the United Nations,
the Blues Explosion presented their new video, Hot Gossip, to the U.N. General Assembly.
Met with shock and awe by the governing body, the video offers an ominous view of
the future and one groovy motherfucking beat. While Hot Gossip played to a stunned
hall, UN Secretary-General Kofi Annan suffered a rare instance of spontaneous combustion
in humans when his head suddenly burst like an over-ripe tomato, showering delegates
with his over-wrought, international peace-keeping brain.
Speaking to reporters after the incident, Blues Explosion front man Jon Spencer
expressed deep concern for the former UN Secretary. "The blues is still number one!"
he said. "Can ya dig my band?"
It certainly did not help matters that rapper Chuck D
also appears in the video. Mr. D is an angry African-American who has avoided jail
despite the best efforts of a vicious industrial-prison complex that thrives on
incarcerating black males, and who has fashioned a respected career as a liberal
radio pundit. Said one senior American diplomat who asked not to be named, "That's
really sticking it up whitey's ass." Mr. Spencer, who reportedly claimed "mission
accomplished" while wiping bits of Mr.. Annan's frontal lobe off of his pawnshop
guitar, strongly denied that "head-popping Kofi" was his goal, although he did admit,
"for today, the major rocking is over."
Reaction from the international body was one of admiration for the famous rock band.
"Basically they just blues exploded him," said one observer of the cerebral fireworks.
"It was pretty cool." Mr. Spencer, an evangelical rock 'n' roller who has mentioned
Jerry Lee Lewis as his favorite popular
Continued on Page A3
Rock 'n' Roll Terrorist Plays DAMAGE at
Energy Summit
by Nicholas D. Whackoff
WASHINGTON - Muckity-mucks from the world's energy companies were aghast when a
self-proclaimed "rock'n'roll terrorist" broke into their summit at a topless bar
and began blasting Damage, the new CD from New York's Blues Explosion.
The meeting, convened at the Juicy Lucy, a go-go bar that one patron described as
"a drug filled sleaze pit, like Satan's private club-house," was attended by top-officials
from Exxon, Chevron, Halliburton and Major League Baseball as well as several professional
wrestlers disguised as oil sheiks. Also in attendance was singer Andre Williams,
who "came for the ladies."
This year's summit, titled "Choosing the Next Iraq, Why Not Texas?" had been shrouded
in secrecy until hemorrhoid-faced Republican lap dog Robert Novak leaked the information
to a Daily Explosion reporter who had obtained photos of Mr.. Novak wearing a black
lace bra and buggering a donkey.
Dick Johnson, 27, was jubilant as he was left out of the meeting by local police.
"Ya shoulda seen them!" he shouted as the police repeatedly pounded his head into
the Juicy Lucy parking lot, lacerating his one youthful face with empty crack vials.
"Fuckin' old dudes, they all look like Mr.. Burns," he added with some difficulty,
referring to the evil nuclear power baron on television's The Simpsons. Energy company
officials looking to
Continued on Page C2
For Home Delivery Call 1-8000-Blues-Ex
0 354613 9 42504
[Photo of Jon Spencer and Chuck D.]
Jon spencer and Chuck D unleash some Hot Gossip shortly before Kofi Annan's head
explodes.
Copyright(c)2004 Blues Explosion
Gaza Gaza hey! Punk Rock Invades Palestine
THE UGLY FACE OF POP MUSIC
Many Teenagers are left scarred for life due to unsanitary piercings and lame tattoos.
Style, Page B21
by Paul Drugman
PALESTINE - In an impoverished settlement here, the strains of barre chords have
replaced gunfire as the day;s soundtrack. Everywhere, the clanging sounds of electric
guitars playing old American chestnuts like "Beat on the Brat" and "Sonic Reducer"
can be heard as teenagers with Mohawks take turns piercing each other's noses with
the pins from unexploded grenades. And in the evening, refugees gather around dusty
old television sets for the nightly broadcast of the Blues Explosion's new video,
"Hot Gossip."
"We are looking forward to a time when there are no more suicide bombers, just Suicide
records," said one optimistic youth, who took the opportunity to say that he was
looking for a rare cassette-only Suicide bootleg recorded live at CBGBs.
"Rock'n'roll is our future!" said another teenage, clutching a copy of the Cramps'
Songs the Lord Taught Us. "I played it for my parents and they defused all of their
bombs."
The demand for punk rock has reached a fever pitch, with unscrupulous dealers selling
unsuspecting teenagers copies of stoner junk like Dark Side of the Moon and blissed-out
California pot head crap like Deja Vu, claiming that it is "the real shit."
The most common swindle involves surplus show tunes and passé Jewish cabaret acts:
without much to go on, it is easy to see how these nascent punks high on Israeli
airplane glue could confuse the Misfits with The Divine Miss M - that is until they
get home and play the record, often on primitive turntables made from coconuts.
"Who are these American penis men?" demanded one youth
who had been tricked into buying a copy of Rent, the Original Broadway Cast Recording,
believing he was getting a raw slab of New York punk. Another young man, sporting
a hideously tattooed-portrait of Henry Rollins on his face, was prepared to begin
his own personal jihad when he was sold Gigi: The Original Cast Recording thinking
he was getting the soundtrack to a film about GG Allin. "What the fuck am I supposed
to do with this piece of
Continued on Page A5.
Insurgent Sharks Battle for Rock Supremacy
[Photo]
A scene from the "Burn It Off" video: The results of a secret Republican plot? Copyright(c)2004
Blues Explosion
LEAVING THE FOOD CHAIN Man-eating sharks are clearly at their best where delicious
swimmers frolic. What happens when they take to the sky?
Science, Page D28.
MARS, Arizona - Very few folks in this sleepy desert community remember the buss
caused by the alien autopsies of the 1950s. Since then, the most excitement this
town has seen was the recent lifting of the assault weapons ban.
But a swarm of flying sharks attacking the music group Blues Explosion, here to
shoot a "rock video," has created a thrilling tidal wave of post-modern paranoia
and conspiracy theories that recalls the arrival of the men-in-black soon after
the extra terrestrial's crash site was first discovered.
The sharks are largely acknowledged to be the result of a secret government project
begun by former Arizona Senator Barry Goldwater, who had intended for the sharks
to eat hippies protesting the Vietnam War.
Goldwater insisted at the time that they were part of a liberal Carcharodon Labor
Union and had walked off the set of a B-movie complaining about being fed chum and
demanding "equal rights for Great Whites." Until his much-anticipated death, the
craggly-faced right-wing hate breeder maintained that the sharks were "Bolshevik
agitators," although witnesses claim to have seen Goldwater partying with the sharks
and picking at the bones of a celebrated beatnik poet.
Martains - as the people here are known - gathered at the town's general store and
told anyone who would listen that the sharks were joined by a group of well-armed
skeletons. The skeletons, who refused to admit that they were nothing more than
stop-motion models left over from an unfinished Ray Harryhausen film, allegedly
ran the operation from an underground bunker stocked with frozen pizzas and Spam.
Using Chuck Berry Riffs, fuzz guitar and the Big Beat, The Blues Explosion were
able to fend off the sharks, once again saving the day for rock'n'roll. A dazed
Jon Spencer, leader of the Blues Explosion said of the battle, "The blues are still
number one!" and added, philosophically, "Blues Explosion!"
Scenes of the battle were used in the Blues Explosion's video for their new single
"Burn It Off." Meanwhile, news of a Blues Explosion movie that would "dwarf the
Titanic" is burning up the film industry. Actors being discussed to play the Blues
Explosion include Adam West, John Malkovich and Antonio Banderas. Directors said
to be interested in the project include the recently deceased
Continued on Page C3
KABUL ON FIRE WITH ROCK'N'ROLL
FREEDOM, AMERICAN STYLE
Kinky Enema Nurses and Cheap Smack Bring Sunshine to American Satellite
By MAUREEN LOUD
KABUL, Afghanistan - "I love the night life, I love to boogie!" Afghani President Hamid Karzai was telling a reporter. "I love the Blues Explosion!"
Mr.. Karzai may be an "American puppet" (he is, in fact, a very sophisticated animatronic marionette created by Trey Parker and Matt Stone, the over-achieving rebel-rousers behind the hit movie Team America,) but he has great taste in music.
The well-fezzed figure-head was talking enthusiastically about the new Afghani Revolution: sex, drugs, and rock'n'roll. "Yes, everyone here wants to dance the night away," he said as he put a copy of the Blues Explosion's new CD, Damage, into a black market boom box. "Soon there shall be much happiness. We have the drugs, enough for a million of your Johnny Thunders! Pure fucking scag, Jack! But no good shagging here. the condoms the Soviets left fall apart after just a few minutes. I need hot blow job action like AMerican President! yes to USA!"
Shoddy prophylactics notwithstanding, the politically impotent Afghani President has been well-rewarded for playing pawn to American interests: his cave has been outfitted with high-definition flat screen televisions and all seventeen volumes of Extreme Anal Nurses on DVD. And in addition to his gig shucking and jiving for the red, white, and blue, he has a part-time job at the Starbucks in Tora Bora.
As for the people who "voted" for Mr.. Karzai, unfortunately, not much of the sex, drugs, or rock'n'roll that has made a pimp daddy out of the president has trickled down to them.
"The day will come when all Afghanis will be able to enjoy high-definition ass-licking and guilt-free, legal onanism in their own spider holds," Mr.. Karzai said, painting a picture of a free Afghanistan that only a year ago seemed like a dream.
But there is still much work to be done. Thanks to the jointly-held American doctrines of imperialist nation building and family values, pornographic images of hot, busty blondes are being openly traded by school boys eager to procreate, but a college student was recently stoned-to-death for performing a version of the "Star Spangled Banner" by making farting sounds with his armpit.
For his part, Mr.. Karzai is content with spreading good-will in the form of cheap Afghani dope. "Isn't that
Continued on Page A7
KABBALAH, SCIENTOLOGY BODYSLAMMED BY BLUES EXPLOSION
By William Misfire
HOLLYWOOD, California - for zoned-out celebrities searching for a shred of meaning in their hallow, pathetic lives, Blues Explosion has replaced old-school cults like Scientology as a pay-as-you-go panacea for the spiritually-challenged, and is quickly adding nouveau Kabbalah kooks to its ranks as well.
Good-looking but ultimately brain-dead hacks like Tom Cruise and John Travolta have been seen recently at Blues Explosion concerts dropping some hefty coin at the merch table.
And Britney Spears, one of the youngest, richest, and least-talented of the marks who have given up public respectability to shill for the money-sponging quasi-religious hucksters known as The Kabbalah Center, has changed her name to "Afro," after the Blues Explosion's hit song.
Best-selling self-help douchebag Deepak Chopra has expressed concern over this growing trend. "Did Jon Spencer write 'Instant Karma?" he snorted, "I don't think so, He wrote 'Lap Dance,'" And Dr. Phil, the omnipresent lard-ass with answers for everything, used a rock metaphor to express his outrage at Hollywood's newest cult, "These Blues Explosions are not the new Dylans, They make too much sense to have any true meaning."
Continued on Page A7
INSIDE
The Blues Are Still Number One!
In Kansas City! In Detroit City! In New York City! yes, friends, the blues are number one in Paris, in Rome, in London! Blues Explosion
PAGE A5
Drums of Mass Destruction
Photos of reissued ludwig Vistalite drums were found in the Greenwich Village apartment of Blues Explosion drummer Russell Simins, along with stacks of records by Led Zeppelin and James Brown.
PAGE A18
Blues in the Workplace
For some, going to work is an unwelcome chore, Not for Judah Bauer of the world famous rock'n'roll band, Blues Explosion.
WEEKEND/ARTS, PAGE B27
Blues Explosion Documents Forged
In a startling turn around, sources at CBS News are now claiming that government documents allegedly proving the Blues Explosion's involvement in everything from the Bay of Pigs, Watergate, Iran-Contra and the Janet Jackson Boobs-for-Bucks scandal were fabricated by a particularly clever high school student.
PAGE A3
Blues Summary A2
Unrepentant Capitalism C1-8
Inflated Opinions, Drunken Rants A24-25
Overpriced Vacation Ideas F1-14
International Hooey A3-12
Sports, Men in Tights XY
Cooking and Sewing XX
Pretentious Art Section FU2
Stamps from Around the World ZZZ
Hooker ads X69
Horrorscopes 666
Hot Gossip BX1
Dead People D6 Zombies D13 |
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ADDITIONAL INFORMATION: |
ARTWORK: [no details given]
BARCODE: 0 3546139 42504
MATRIX: "SANDJ856759" and "DD22701" |
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SLEEVE TEXT: |
MOCK-UP NEWSPAPER:
Front: Text as above and images from videos along with Judah Bauer and Russell Simins
images.
Rear: Advert and the text "A2, Daily Explosion INTERNATIONAL November BX, 2004,
Affordable Luxury, Blues Explosion, New York, London, Paris, Kabul."
DISC: Duplicates part of Newspaper artwork and adds DVD logo and 'SANDJ-85675-9'. |
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RELATED LINKS: |
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sanctuaryrecords.com
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